didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
ok i will unlock the door
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?