dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible