it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?