We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.