I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
