Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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