"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
