Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
