I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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