My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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