There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
