Your face is a jimmy john
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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