I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
