We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
