I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
