They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Sober January is a disaster.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
