i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
