i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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