didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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