Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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