Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
