The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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