can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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