D3 body, D1 cock
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
