I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
