Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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