then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
