If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
They have beer where we have blood.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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