just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
