Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
