Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
