THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
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Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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