Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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