My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
this hospital has no fireball
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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