just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
