Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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