I'm drive I can fine osifer
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
