The maid of honor just puked.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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