He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
