believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize