i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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