I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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