Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I love you. Go after that dick
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
