Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
