my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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