Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Can I color on your dick again?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
