At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
