Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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