I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize