Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize