I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
