What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
