Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
