So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
