So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
