I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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