This girl is more easily done than said...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
