I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
