you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Randomize
