guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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