why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
