yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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