dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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