i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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