My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
dude. I can hear the air.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
