she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
