last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
