i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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